Divorce is hard for everyone involved – but there IS a way to go through this process successfully!
(Advice from one of Australia’s leading experts on this critical topic!)
This topic is very close to my heart, because I became a child of divorce at 7 years old. My parents did the best they could, as I’m sure everyone does. Personally, I salute my parents for not using courts and custody to deal with their situation. I love them for that. However, I understand this is not the case for everyone, all situations are different, and divorce can often create intense hostility between the parents. Sadly, the children involved become helpless victims, and they feel every ounce of this vibration, and it disturbs their spirit as they try to process and make sense of it all.
Only 2 weeks ago, I was introduced to an incredible lady that I felt compelled to introduce you to today. What she is doing resonated with me on such a deep level, and for the benefit of both the parents and the children who are doing their best to cope with divorce, I wanted to get this message out there! I knew I had met her for a reason, and I believe the reason was to help heal the hearts of those out there who are hurting, and being destroyed by their situation. It doesn’t have to be that way, noone wants it to be that way, and this incredible lady has the perfect solution for anyone in that situation!!
Her name is Lorrie Brook, and she is the founder and owner of ourchildren.com.au, Australia’s first website offering tools to help separated parents keep better records, communicate more effectively and avoid unnecessary legal action and conflict.
Lorrie is passionate about protecting children throughout separation and ensuring they are not used as ‘messengers’ between their parents. She is also the proud mum of her baby girl Tehya.
Here is an article, written by Lorrie, that will help EVERY family dealing with separation and divorce. Please, as you read this, think not only of yourself, but of anyone you know in this situation that can benefit from this information. Share this article with them, tag them, do whatever you have to do to be that difference maker in the life of another family, and save the soul of another child.
Communication + Respect = Co Parenting Success
Going through a divorce or separation is a hard road to navigate for us adults and it is even more complicated when there are children involved. You don’t have the luxury of ending a relationship and being given that time apart to grieve and move on. Instead, your relationship is ended and now discussions and contact still exists … when can I see the kids? What time can you pick them up? There is nothing wrong with these questions but the very fact that you both have to continue to have a dialogue at such an emotional time can cause greater strain on an already broken relationship.
Unfortunately though, there are limited alternatives. The fact of the matter is that your children will need to spend time with each of you. They need to know that they are still loved. They need to know that the breakdown of your relationship is not their fault and more importantly has no impact on their relationship with either of you. It will take a lot of work and self-control on your behalf during this time, but here are our tips to successful co parenting relationship:
- Be respectful. Go back to basics, try to put aside the pain and anger that you are feeling as a result of your relationship ending. Remember our old fashioned manners. Say hello, goodbye, please and thankyou. Your children will pick up on the way that you both interact with each other. It is important even at this early stage to demonstrate that despite your differences you both continue to respect each other as parents.
- Communicate. Don’t use your children to pass messages and don’t involve them in any disputes. Communication is even more important in a co parenting relationship, as you don’t know what has occurred in the other household. To maintain a united parenting front your children need to know and understand that you both communicate and that they cannot get away with playing you off each other. This doesn’t mean that you have to sit down for coffee and chit chat for hours, just make sure that in some manner whether it be face to face, by phone or using an online service that there is a level of communication occurring.
- Always think of the long-term goal. There will be plenty of opportunities during your co parenting relationship when you will want to have your rant and let everything off your chest. Before you do this though ask yourself “what will it achieve?” Is your rant going to change anything? Or is it just going to put even more strain on an already tenuous relationship. It is very easy to let the moment win but for the sake of your children, try to always thing of the long term goal – achieving a successful co parenting relationship. Remember there are many important milestones your children are yet to celebrate and chances are you will both be there to help them celebrate these occasions. Do you want these occasions to be stress free for your kids? Or do you want them to worry about which one of you will start the fight first?
Parenting is full of high and low moments. Those moments where we give ourselves that imaginary high 5 for sailing through with grace and ease and then those where we wish we could hit the rewind button to give it another shot. It is no different for those in separated households, in fact you will probably find that those moments are more frequent and at the same time so far apart on the spectrum.
Organising a co parenting schedule will be the first hurdle you both need to overcome and at the end we want you to be giving yourself that high 5. When you are thrown into this position though it can be hard to figure out what do you need to include, what options are available? You’ve never had to worry about how Christmas was split before and now you need to think about Christmas, Easter and birthdays! It can be overwhelming and confronting but we have developed a checklist and e book to help you get through this time and we are giving it to you.
We know that this time is difficult and we know that if we can make it easier for you, your children will benefit in the long run. Plus if you use the book and you remember the above 3 tips though you will be giving yourself many more high 5’s!
Once again, be sure to click on the link below and download the answer to your prayer… the VERY thing that can change your situation on a dime, and protect the hearts and souls of everyone, particularly the children:
www.ourchildren.com.au/
Be sure to share this article with someone you know, and be the one who made the difference in the life of a child… They are our future!!
