The Holly Effect Logo

Give your kids guidance, NOT advice!

Their ‘internal guidance system’ will serve them better than your ‘parental guidance system’ ever will. Teach them how to be conscious of it.

Today was a big day for me! After resisting any encouragement from friends, persistent nagging from my husband, and even attempting to ignore the feeling inside my spirit pulling me in this direction, finally, I bit the bullet and decided to start!

Within seconds, my spirit lead me from what was supposed to only be a “welcome” kind of message, to my first tip in parenting advice. I believe when there is a message in your spirit, it does not need to be planned, rehearsed or scripted. My goal for my entire website is to keep all my content ‘raw’, real, authentic, vulnerable, and congruent with who I ACTUALLY AM, not who I want to LOOK like I am. I want everyone who follows me to feel like they know me, and like we just have frequent ‘conversations’, not like they get some kind of rehearsed, perfect, ‘presentation’.  And so, all of my videos will be done on the fly, in the moment, whenever I feel like there’s a message I need to share. And it starts with this one…

Be a better parent by NOT knowing the answers…

I believe we have all been programmed to think that our role as parents is to have the answers and be able to provide “advice”. But think about it for a moment… what IS advice?? In my opinion, it is nothing other than a suggestion, based on YOUR OWN knowledge and/or experiences, and an action plan for a particular situation based on YOUR perspective. But who says our knowledge isn’t limited? And that our perspective is the one that will serve our children well? And who says our experiences are, or will be even similar to, those of our children?

In all likelihood, they will never have the same experiences as us because the context will always be different, because the world works differently today than what it did when we were being raised. What’s more, if you take yourself off ‘autopilot’ for a moment, and become conscious of your thoughts in these moments, most of us would agree that we don’t really want to raise our children the same way we were raised anyway. Maybe with the same core values, yes, but I believe that today’s parents often want to raise their children in a way that is more empowering, gives them more confidence than we ever had, more self esteem, self belief, and with less fear. And so in that case, the truth would be that if we weren’t raised like that, then we have no idea HOW to raise like that, right? You can only teach what you know!

You see, here’s what I know… the way that you think right now, isn’t even YOUR thinking… it’s the thinking that somebody programmed you with! Your thoughts are mostly NOT YOURS! Somebody TAUGHT you how to think like that. Some body TAUGHT you to have a particular perspective on a particular situation, and now every time that situation shows up, your subconscious mind accesses the only file that exists based on that situation, and therefore produces the perspective you have, every time.

So if we want our children to grow up differently, we must allow them the chance to build their own perspectives, with their OWN thoughts and feelings, and be careful not to program them with OURS. We want THEM to write the files of their subconscious minds. Filling their minds with the same ‘files’, or perspectives, we were programmed with, will only create a new generation version of US. And how’s that going to serve humanity? Most of us are all messed up, right?! Lol…

i believe

We need to know how to raise TODAY’S child for TOMORROW’S world. We are not raising ‘children’. We are raising adults! They’re not going to grow up to be children… they’re going to grow up to be adults… and when our time comes to hand them over to this world, we want to know we’re handing over an ASSET, not a liability!

And so my message is this… know that it is perfect for you to parent without knowing the answers. You were TAUGHT that parents are supposed to know the answers. But that doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It’s only what you were taught! And I’m here to say that what you were taught is NOT true.

In fact, I believe the exact opposite. The best parent, in most situations, will NOT have the answer. Because even if you believe you do, the answer that worked in your world is likely to NOT work in their world anyway. I believe that a large contributing factor to the low self-esteem, self-confidence and indecisiveness of most adults these days is because we were NEVER (or very rarely) taught that the answers were inside of us. We were taught to always get advice because “an adult always knows best”. And so all of a sudden when the adult wasn’t around to make the decision for us, or to validate the decision we wanted to make, we had no idea what to do, and no confidence to try any of our own ideas.

If you want your children to become decisive, bold, confident, emotionally fulfilled adults, and have the ability to navigate their way through life with a sense of grace and ease, you must allow them the chance to build their own perspectives. They’ll do this as simply as you giving them the FREEDOM to think and to feel… and you not attaching YOUR progammings or perspectives to THEIR feelings or situations. Let them write their own scripts!

I’ve shared a video here to help give clarity on what I mean using a real-life example. I want you to lift the burden off yourself of feeling like you have to know everything, and then feeling like you never get it right. All you have to teach them is to pay attention to their “internal guidance system”, aka their intuitive emotions.  Allow them the freedom to decide based on what feels right to them. If you program your children to disregard their own emotions, and to override their feelings with last generation perspectives, then you will only raise children who live incongruently with who they REALLY are, which will lead them to feeling like they are not good enough, and it will kill their spirit. They’ll be yet another soul who lost its purpose.

But here’s to better parenting, and to making sure that doesn’t happen… to raising today’s children for tomorrow’s world without needing to have a CLUE what the answer is… because there’s only ever one answer… and that is, that the answer is inside of THEM! Give them the courage to discover that…

STAY amazing!!! xx



Image source:

Related Blog Posts

How to raise an entrepreneur

You’re not just the parent, you’re their LEADER!

What NOT to say series – “Why did you do that?”

Want to resolve lost connection with your children?

Free conscious parenting masterclass